Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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