what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm having to shit out rocks
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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