help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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