I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
