Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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