Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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