I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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