after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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