im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
