i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
