she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
