I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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