i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
