every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize