well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
