suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
