when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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