shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
