i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize