I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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