What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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