i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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