I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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