Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
