The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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