i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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