Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
