please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
