im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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