I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize