I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize