Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
