We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
