well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
