I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
