i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
we're so committed to being not committed
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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