Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i was born a porn star she said
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
