Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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