First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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