she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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