Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize