I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
