This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
