guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
