Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
