He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
