Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
