Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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