The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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