Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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