And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
