Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
