Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
