Got a toothbrush?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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