i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
