She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
