It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize