im drinking this country out of the recession.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
