do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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