THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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