So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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