Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize