but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
