Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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