Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He passed out mid-signature
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
