I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
