I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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