Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
