I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
