i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
