My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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