real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
