She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
