my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
