I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
