Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
