Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
