you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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