If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
