Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
