Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
