ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
