you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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