No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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