He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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