just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize