i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
