You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
