it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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