I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
