he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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