My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
