your room smells of hookers.
And success
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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