She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The air was thick with penises
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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