So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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