Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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