I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
