with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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