Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
