Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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