i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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