I wanna passion pit in your ass
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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