My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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